Bagpipe Jokes

As you can tell from the following jokes, Bagpipers have a grand sense of Self-Deprecating Humor.

Q. Why do pipe bands march when they play?
A. Moving targets are harder to hit.

One day a piper left his pipes in clear view on the backseat of his car. When he returned he was shocked to find the rear window broken and another set of pipes beside his.

"I've just washed my kilt and I can't do a fling with it."

Q. Why don't pipers polish their shoes?
A. So nobody will see up their kilt.

Q. What's worn under the kilt?
A. (to a man) Same as you only bigger.
A. (to a woman) Nothing lass it's in perfect working order.

Q. How do you put a twinkle in a piper's eye?
A. Shine a light in his ear.

Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get away from the bagpipe recital.

Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.

Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead bagpiper in the road?
A. Skid marks in front of the snake.

Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.

Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it.